I thought I was strong enough. Mentally, I’ve considered all that adoption means. I’ve considered what we know of Baby Shows’ past and his history. I’ve planned for the transition and the change. I’ve come up with contingency plans to life with a new little one. I’ve come up with multiple post-airport plans, you know, when real life hits.
But in preparing for this little person that we’ve only known through photos to become a physical part of our family, though, I have learned that I am not strong enough on my own.
So I find myself at the foot of the cross again, pleading for mercy and grace.
Fortunately, I serve the God of the broken. I serve a God who does not run away from my fears or weakness, but provides all the more grace for me in those moments. Paul knew this well:
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So I find myself here, longing for my Abba Father to be near. I am asking for His sufficient grace to fill the gap of my weakness. I am humbled yet again in my inherent inability, my need for my God. My God has proven Himself to me time and time again. His faithfulness to my family (currently on two separate continents), is astounding. And while I try to stand alone, I am continually reminded that I serve the God whom I need desperately.
We met up with some friends who were in town last weekend. Their four-year-old rock star daughter had memorized Psalm 23. As I’ve been praying for the next step in our journey, this little one reminded me that, in this moment, I can call on Jehovah-Raah. The Lord My Shepherd.
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.