I’m sometimes reluctant when God calls me to something. Today I’m really struggling with something that God has obviously placed in our path. I really struggled because I feel too small for the task that is in front of us. I’m not the voice that is persuasive or inspiring.
I’m just me. And today I feel like this “me” is very small.
I think about people who stand up and are courageous. They have no fear. They speak with authority and they are ready to change the world. They are inspiring. They are bigger than life in my mind because I lack the courage to be them. I sit in wonder and look at their ability to stand up, speak up, and move people to justice. I am in awe of these folks. They are incredible super heroes in my mind.
And then there are people like me. The people who feel like they are too small, too not ready, too quiet and unsure of themselves. God calls us too, even when we tell Him we’re not up for the job, talented, or even equipped.
Today I’ve sat and pondered what God really means by this potential opportunity to speak for the vulnerable, the “least of the least”. I could say that I have a legitimate reason to object to this opportunity, and I do. But the real reason I want to object is that I’m scared. I don’t want to go along because it frightens me to be on the frontlines. Unfortunately for me, God hasn’t asked for my permission for His plan. He is seeking my obedience to His plan. He has called; will I obey?
Because throughout God’s story, He has used people who have said they weren’t enough: prepared enough, eloquent enough, equipped enough, brave enough, educated enough, adequate enough, or talented enough. But that’s the point right? God’s grace is perfected in weakness – when we aren’t enough.
Honestly, I’m terrified. I look at His hand before me, calling me out onto the water where trust is a means of survival, no longer a “luxury” and I don’t know how to move. Because it often comes to this question: Do I trust You?
God knows my concern. This morning I was reading in Isaiah and came across 41:10:
‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Because no matter what God calls us to, the greater purpose is learning to trust God in all things. To not fear, to recognize that He strengthens us in all things. I probably am not “enough” of anything, but my God is. And He who begins a good work in us will see it to completion. I don’t need to be terrified because He is with us.