Fistfuls of Dirt

So, we’re taking on a big task. I mean, adoption in general is wrought with challenges, and international adoption takes that to the nth degree. I sometimes look at this upward climb and think, God why did You choose us for this journey? What in our pasts made us remotely prepared for this? We’re not really equipped for this path, especially now, but maybe that’s what makes us such great candidates. We can’t do this ourselves. We can’t even just do this with God. We have to have a huge support network. I just want to know how much each person who has come up or posted or emailed us encouragement has meant. You are doing a big job in helping to keep us up and going. Without your encouragement, this would be a lonely, difficult journey for Evan and me.

Because there are moments like last night and this morning when I am terrified of the mountain that’s  in front of us. Quite frankly, if it was just a bunch of paperwork and interviews, I could handle it. But it’s a lot of money. It’s a lot of money we don’t have. It’s a lot of money we don’t have due in a very short time period. Still, some days I stare at that mountain and doubt envelopes me. There is no way this is possible. There are some mountains that just cannot be moved. And from the outset, this looks like a scary one.

But I am in awe of what God has done over the last nine months. From a seemingly crazy idea to more than $9,000 to help us adopt Baby Shows. We have relied, from the beginning, on the kindness of friends and strangers. They say that faith can move mountains. They forget to tell you that sometimes it happens in fistfuls of dirt. While I would love for someone to write a $30,000 check tomorrow and make the mountain disappear, I believe that God has a different way. I believe it’s going to be a lot of work and even more faith. I have to keep my mind on the little fistfuls that we are removing, not on the big mountain.

Someone recently gave us a very generous gift. When I thanked them, they replied that they knew it was insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I was stunned. This was a very generous gift. This was a faith gift. Beyond the amount, this gift was not insignificant. It will pay for nearly half of our home study. That is nothing small. But more than that, I am so blessed that someone would feel prompted to support us in that way. To take a step of faith financially and give toward our adoption. Even the individuals who handed us twenty-dollar bills last week after we shared our story at church – this is nothing insignificant. These are our fistfuls of dirt. They will help us move our mountain.

And I cherish these moments in my heart because I know that God is doing a work in my heart: Teaching me to believe when all I want to do is doubt.


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