Today I feel like I’m somewhere between trigger shy and already three lengths from the starting gate. (Yes, I did just combine two metaphors.) Part of me is terrified of rushing the opportunity and the other part of me is scared that we might be missing the opportunity. I want so desperately to do what I think is God’s will for us, but I’m quite frankly terrified of being wrong either way. This decision is one of the biggest decisions in our lives. I don’t want to mess that up because of selfish desires or because I’m not sure I trust Him enough.
I sometimes wish God would write what’s next in the sky as I’m driving home from work. Or maybe He could speak audibly to me as I’m walking the dog. I wish He would send me an email or tag me in a tweet (“@Carla_Shows, Yes it’s time to go”) so that I could just know for certain that this is the right opportunity and time. I’m sitting here waiting for faith to be rational and logical. What if it’s not going to be? What if I never get that hard evidence that means it’s the “right” time?
Where does logic stop and faith begin? When am I being irresponsible and when am I being faithful? How do we ever know the difference?
Of course, we need to be wise. This venture will not be easy. We don’t want to complicate this anymore than it is inherently. The line between wisdom and faith looks blurry to me today.
As I look out onto the water, I’m really not sure how Peter took that first step. Because the idea of illogical steps onto that inky water is terrifying to me.
But I don’t want to miss the opportunity to walk on water with God.