Delight is defined as
–noun1. a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture: She takes great delight in her job.
2. something that gives great pleasure: The dance was a delight to see.
Delight is not what I’m feeling right now.
I’m not feeling a “high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; or rapture” as I wait on God. In fact, “the wait” (or my complete disinterest in waiting) has been a topic of many conversations with God recently. It’s not as though waiting in a new place for me, but it is something that I continue to struggle with (albeit for entirely different reasons currently). I won’t pretend as though I understand God’s timing. I know He’s sovereign. But I often find my heart five paces ahead of where God’s timing is, and like an overly eager child, I tap my foot as I wait for Him to “catch up”.
In a recent time of prayer, I asked Him directly, God, how do I manage this wait? How do I hang on?
His response: “Delight in Me.”
Seriously? God, I want to be a mom (in case You tuned out the last ten minutes of this conversation). I want to delight in being a mom. I want to delight in the fact that it’s happening sooner rather than later. Delight in You? Really? That’s Your advice to my ever-waiting heart?
“Delight in Me.”
So, I found myself in Psalm 37 (because I often find myself in the Psalms when I’m discouraged and I was pretty sure David had used the “delight” phrase a couple of times). Evidently, this Psalm is one where David is giving himself another pep talk. Here are the highlights that jumped out at me:
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
7Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
23The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
24 When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.
I don’t see God as a Cosmic Vending Machine (or at least I try not to treat Him that way), so I don’t think that He meant for me to “delight in the Lord” so that He will “give me the desires of my heart.” But I do think that as I’m pursuing God, as I find my joy, my pleasure, my enjoyment in God, He will literally change the desires of my heart. I think Psalm 37:3 is important for me: “Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” Do I serve God because He gives me what my heart wants when it wants it (usually right now)? Do I cultivate faithfulness as I dwell in the land He has me now? I don’t necessarily want to be in the land He has me in right now, but this is nonetheless where I am. I need to dwell here in my heart and mind and be faithful here and now (not in the future me, who’s apparently going to be an awesome mom). I don’t want to miss an opportunity to be faithful here, in this moment because I’m mentally located “there”.
I often forget that the whole point of this journey, this life, of each breath is to become closer to God. It’s not about what I think I want or need. It’s all about my walk with God. My steps are already established, and beautifully, God holds my hand. I think, more than anything, as I wait, I just want to know that He hasn’t forgotten me. Certainly, if He’s holding my hand, He hasn’t forgotten me.
So today I’m asking Him, “Do You delight in my way? Because I’m learning to delight in You.”