“Now that I have Seen…”

East Africa is certainly under my skin. It’s seems to be everywhere I turn, in every blog I read, behind every lyric I hear. My dreams (as I’m awake and as I sleep) all point to Africa. In fact, on my way to work a couple of weeks ago, I felt like I was transported back to Addis Ababa for the briefest second. I don’t understand how that continent did it, but it has my heart. I hear Brooke Fraser’s voice echoing, “Now that I have seen, I am responsible…” Having felt little arms so desperately hold my neck, having wiped little faces so we could paint cheeks and noses, after seeing kids in worn shoes, I am responsible. I carry each of those children in my heart everyday.

As we consider our future, our family, and my (our?) call in Isaiah 1:17, I cannot help but think that our adoption isn’t the end of our involvement with orphans. In fact, I feel like it’ll just be one chapter in this greater story. It’s exciting and terrifying to think of all the things that God has in store for us (of all the things we know and don’t know). We’re committed to doing His will, above our own. That commitment used to seem so easy. We certainly meant it. But I’m not sure we expected God to really consider it. You know, like He let Isaac live. Surely, He would let us continue in our normal life. Now, more and more, I see that He is willing to take us up on the offer of our lives.

Not my will, but His

God has never been shy when He gets our whole heart. He loves it. It’s thrilling and altogether humbling that the Creator of the Universe, the only Uncreated One, the Maker of all, would want to use broken vessels such as us. I cannot fathom how short I fall of His call, but He still longs to use me. How is this possible? This great God hasn’t sent Superwoman. He’s asked for me. I’m still not entirely sure what someone like me can really do for children around the world, but I will do whatever He puts in my heart to do.

How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust,
And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count.

Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired;
My ears You have opened;
Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required.
Then I said, “Behold, I come;
In the scroll book it is written of me.
I delight to do Your will, O my God;
Your Law is within my heart.”

                                                                  Psalm 40:6-8



One thought on ““Now that I have Seen…”

  1. How easily we say ,”anything you want me to do Lord.” How often we refuse even the beginning of His request before refusing to listen. Your open hearts are precious. I pray you and Evan will always have open ears, open hearts, open hands, open feet. When He calls, He will equip.
    Love and blessings!

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