I’ve tried to start this post about five times since Wednesday night. One started like a psalm. Another revision started as an angry rant. I tried to come up with clever openers to “draw in the reader”.
But, honestly, my soul is silent this morning.
Wednesday I received two phone calls. Early in the morning, Evan called to share that we are only $33 shy of our initial goal for the adoption fund to get us into the process. In five months, God had provided so much support for us. I started crying because I know the sacrifices people have made to be a part of that. I am so blessed to have seen the hands of God provide – they are so beautiful.
Later that day, I received a call that means we’re trying to figure things out again. We’re back to a place of seeking God’s will for us.
At first, I was disappointed. I was confused. I started to question myself and whether we really heard God. And then I thought about our lesson from our small group this week. Most people would chalk things up to coincidence. But I know better. There are have been far too many “coincidences” in my life not to recognize divinely appointed moments. This was not a coincidence. It was preparation for Wednesday.
This week we talked about faith. Our workbook defined faith as “God said it. I believe it. I’ll do it.” Simple enough right? The author of Hebrews defined it this way,
Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Heb. 11:1)
Right now, faith is looking at our situation, our circumstances and saying, “I’m choosing to not doubt because of what I see. I’m choosing to know that I heard you. I’m choosing to believe.” It’s the conviction that God is working beyond our circumstances. It’s a confirmation of the things our hearts hope.
But faith is only possible when we trust the person in whom we have faith. And trust comes from knowing them. I heard a speaker at a church say, “You can’t trust someone you don’t know.” It’s not possible. If we didn’t have our roots firmly placed in God, I would be drifting away with emotion. My heart would have carried me to another place and I would find myself as a little tear-stained puddle.
But I know my God. This God has proved Himself to me time and time again, without my asking Him to. I know that His goodness is beyond all measure. I know that He has loved us before there was time. I know that this God deserves my trust and my faith. I know that He is my desire because He has pursued me since eternity. I know that His will is perfect, and that anything less is not good enough for us. This is what echoes in my silent soul this morning. God’s goodness, His faithfulness, His lovingkindness are never-ending.
Circumstances may try to sway me away from this belief, but I have evidence that my God is good. If that is all I know, I know all I need. He will care for us. His will is perfect.
So I trust in that.