A wrecked heart

Since that day in July, since I read Isaiah 1:17, God has steadily been wrecking my idea for my life. Fortunately, it’s been in baby steps. First, it was child sponsorship. Then, getting others involved with child sponsorship. Then it was a trip to Africa. Now my heart is wrecked for the orphan. Completely.

God, will I ever get my heart back?

I expected my life to be a typical American life. Get degree. Get married. Buy house. Work in a job. Have kids. Retire. Call it a life. Somewhere in that simple process, God decided to interject His plan. He decided that my heart needed to be broken into a thousand pieces.

As we start our adoption process, I’m continuing to find myself in tears at the brokenness of our world. Why is it okay that children lose their parents to preventable (curable) diseases? Or for their parents not to be able to afford to care for them anymore? How is it okay for children to live in dire poverty? To not have access to clean water? To not have full tummies every night?

God, is it too much for You not to break my heart anymore? I’m not sure my frailty can handle it…

Even in this brokenness, I see God’s love. I see families expanding through adoption (too many beautiful stories to link just one!). I see God using churches and individuals to meet the needs of the “least of these”. I see God’s love in formula for infants in Ethiopia, in shoes for children’s feet, in creating a new life for the abandoned. And I’ve decided that a wrecked life is a beautiful life. God doesn’t want anything less than brokenness in us. Because He is present in brokeness.

 

So I’m broken. Time and time again. Broken. And now I want nothing less.

Tonight, I watched a video of a homecoming that made me so excited to be on this path with Evan.

God, use our wrecked hearts for Your glory.

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2 thoughts on “A wrecked heart

  1. I watched it while Evan was on the phone and then I made him watch it and cried again. I was BAWLING. (I’m pretty sure he’s contemplating blocking adoption blogs from me. I’m such a sap!)

    So beautiful. (And I can’t wait for that to be us!!!)

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