I’m sorry for the nearly six month hiatus. Life happened and writing was the last thing from my mind. I am returning to my blog, but with a new direction.
I still continue to search for the little inspirational moments and thoughts in my day, but with a more directed path. A series of unrelated events have started to shape a new direction for me – one that excites me in ways that I wish I could adequately express. A while ago, as I was walking my dog Pippin, I was struck with the thought that I wasn’t doing enough for God, that I was in most ways a “part-time” Christian. It wasn’t a bad thing, per se, but it wasn’t a good thing either. I started to become increasingly discontent with the way I was living my American Christianity. If this was all there was to Christianity, was I really wasting my time?
Later, in an undated journal entry, I asked myself this:
Am I worried about being comfortable? Maybe my focus on my comfort in my situation is my biggest distraction? My only comfort should be spiritual. How do I give up pursuing physical and emotional comfort?
It continued. I was reading Francis Chan’s Forgotten God, when I came across this section of text about the Holy Spirit leading us (and us letting “control” go). I can give you countless examples of this.
On June 27, a missionary to Sudan came and spoke to our church. The thought that she left with us? Ask God this:
Lord, what more can I do for you?
So I wrote that in my journal and began to really pray that. God, what does this mean for me? I had this thought about missions, but dismissed it as coincidental. She, after all, was a missionary who had prayed those words, but God would be creative if He called me to something similar….right?
I am praying about what more I can do for God at the same time that I keep encountering quotes that have the phrase “audacious, reckless obedience to God.” Audacious and reckless are two words that do not describe me. In fact, those words terrify me. And I’m not sure that the word “terrify” properly encompasses the fear that those two words create in me. God, is “what more I can do for you” reckless and audacious? You might have the wrong girl..
On July 30, I came across this verse:
Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow. (Isaiah 1:17)
I remember reading those verse that day and feeling a sense of awe, as if my calling really could be that simple. Now, it’s not really that simple because I’m not sure what all of that is supposed to look like, but I know that’s my purpose. I finally found it. It didn’t really sound audacious and reckless, though. (Thank goodness.)
The day after I read that verse, I learned about an opportunity to visit orphans in Rwanda and Ethiopia. I’m not the type of person that wanted to go to Africa (really), but the moment I heard about that opportunity, something inside of me whispered, “Go.” And then, with some audacity and recklessness, I said, “Okay.”
I said okay. I will go. To Africa.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
I am thinking about the countless children that are parent-less, but still need love. I am thinking of Christ’s example and how far from that my life feels. I am thinking about how I only get to live one time and I want a chance to make a difference.
So, this December, I am going to Rwanda and Ethiopia to visit orphans. This is a complete faith trip. I was reading on the State Department’s website about visiting Rwanda and Ethiopia and felt deeply conflicted. I should be scared, but I’m not. I’m excited. There are a number of things that can happen to me, around me, near me, but I feel a peace. There are so many things that I have to trust God for, and it’s uncomfortable. But it’s not about comfort anymore. It’s about going because He said to go.
As I read that line, I completely understand that it makes me seem crazy. Maybe I am. Audacious. Reckless. But I hope that in that, I’m obedient.
So, back to the direction of this blog. I am going to use this space to write out my thoughts as I prepare for my first foreign missions trip. I’m going to be doing a lot of reading and learning and I hope that I will be able to share with you about this. My first book will be to re-read Tom Davis’ Red Letters, about the HIV/AIDS/poverty crisis in Africa.
I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, then you grow wings. – William Sloan Coffin